Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Why do women stubbornly refuse to let men lead, even though they are attracted to the man, and the man both loves and desires them? Why do they get angry and blame the man when he gets fed up and walks away, when it's entirely their own fault?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

2025 NASCAR Xfinity Series entry list for Autódromo Hermanos Rodríguez - NASCAR.com

It’s still here.

I had run out of hope.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

UFC fighter rips opponent after seizure causes last-second main event cancellation: ‘She’s a complete mess’ - New York Post

Be who you already are.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

You are like me, then.

GUNTHER wins the world heavyweight championship back from Jey Uso - Cageside Seats

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

The sadness was still there.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Alan Turing's iconic paper on a 'universal computing machine' goes up for auction - Live Science

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

When does a man tell a woman he has feelings for her?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

And the sadness?

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Sega Throws Shade At Mario Kart While Showing Off Sonic Racing: Crossworlds - Kotaku

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

I was tired of fighting.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

UBS faces demand for $26bn more in capital as Swiss government outlines new rules - Financial News London

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s here now, writing to you.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

The Labour Party wants to put the Winter fuel allowance and the £800,000 of gifts received by ministers behind us. Is this a real option for the people who will suffer as our new masters unapologeticly feast on freebies?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.